Sometimes we feel hurt or angry. We might feel fear, vulnerability, or powerlessness. At other times we feel excitement, joy, innocence, or satisfaction. Surrendering for a moment to name the emotion is wise. Know what your “flag” is. Then go deeper and see what is below the emotion.

Ask yourself, “Is there a negative story being peddled by this emotion? What is the positive story, the affirming message under the feeling? What is my truth this emotion has found and what might be untrue about this feeling? Is the feeling calling me to action? Is meaning trying to gather around me? Is awareness getting stronger?” Emotion and feelings are not the end in mind. They are rather an indication that there is more to a situation than what we may know.

Here’s an example:

On a snowy Friday morning a client calls to report in on how her “close-out” meeting went with her soon-to-be ex-business partner. We’ll call him Rex. Somewhere during the call, I report to the client that Rex has asked me to assist him, for free, to connect him to other job opportunities. The client responds with a mellow, “You can do what you want with his request. I’m just glad we’re not working together any more.”

I congratulate the client on naming the emotion and ask her to tell me what is the message or the truth lying under the emotion. Again she sighs and says, “It helps me to affirm that I pulled the weight in the relationship. I was the one who had the connections. I made the decision to pay the price to place our company in alignment with genuine growth and progress. I invested in the company. Rex never invested as much in the relationship or the business as I did. It is hard to see that now, and yet it is good to see it. I just didn't realize how much I had come to resent what I perceived as his lack of contribution.”

Feelings that are allowed to immediately transfer into behavior without examination - no mindful thought between stimuli and action - are hijacking, not helping us.

Feelings are some of our least understood, least leveraged attributes. Yet we are completely capable of accessing the power of these human endowments. We can find ourselves ruffled and queasy from the twists and turns on the roller tracks. Or, we can examine the terrain below a feeling and allow it to wisely lead us forward.