I could write a book about following after the type of passion she and I have explored, and I have actually. Yet the dimension of this article is more simple and short. I just want to share a few of the things I’ve learned about sane, stabilizing, secure love.

First, the images and perceptions of love imprinted on me by Hollywood, society, and my parents had to go out the door. I had to muddle around and get right into love myself. I had to invent my own perceptions, definitions, and images.

Real love will ask us to stop putting ourselves in the middle of a relationship as an arranger and planner. It will challenge us to approach, communicate and think from a frame of support, partnership and co-creation. The distinction is a movement from How can I help you? to How can we join together and take this one on?

Love will ask both parties to stop fearing their feelings and their needs. Likewise it will ask you to stop fearing those of your significant other as well. You will be nudged to not judge, project, or contradict what the other is saying or needing. The distinction is Stop judging how her/his needs and feelings reflect on me verses Stand still and hear the truth in her/his words and witness how these needs and feelings are affecting her/him.

Love, the lasting kind will strongly suggest that the two that form we should not travel the path alone. Bring on a third party for assistance. Find someone who is rich in knowledge and experience so they can give you perspective, wisdom, insights that either of you have yet to obtain. The distinction is a shift that will take you from You two figure this out on your own to We will help the two of you create your relationship in your own unique and imaginative manner.

There is so much more for my partner and I to learn, however, I’ll share one more insight that hit me stronger than all the rest. The rich and abiding love that is mine at this time started to grow when I peeled myself open to it, and peeled again, and wedged the door so it would stop shutting down. It didn’t grow from my partner and reach itself across to me in some grand act of unconditional love. It sprouted inside my openness. It has grown strong and true. And now, it will be there no matter what this life or any other life might bring.